Today, we discuss the romantic-drama-(unintentionally)comic film ‘Main Prem Ki Deewani Hoon’ starring Kareena Kapoor as a girl who is a little too full of life (read expressions), Hrithik Roshan, who is a little too full of testosterone and Abhishek Bachchan, who is a little too devoid of both. Not to mention, Johnny Lever’s eyeballs, a dog, and *take a deep breath* an amateurishly animated parrot. We know you still don’t know what those frequent, inappropriate and untimely gasps and sighs and moans by the lead actors really meant.
Well, to decode it for you, the film was actually about Hrithik and Kareena teaching their fans about 17 supernatural orgasms in the name of romance. Here they are:
Orgasm At First Sight
You see her for the first time, and your tap just starts to run immediately.
Jaadu Ki Jhappi : Level 1
Hugs make everything okay. And in some cases, they just make things ‘hard’.
Long Distance Orgasm
Who said you cannot have sex on Skype? All you gotta do is look into each other’s eyes, flare nostrils and take deep breaths – because getting off is that easy. And don’t forget to point your hand at her – girls dig that stuff.
Orgasm Using Static Energy
For all you science freaks, Hrithik-Kareena teach you how to achieve the big O using just static charge. Technically, you’re not even touching each other and giving her the best orgasm ever! Dear celibacy, you’ve just been trolled.
Orgasm At First Sight: Level Extreme
You still can’t get over what happened the last time your eyes met. And, there she is again! Of course, this one’s even more powerful.
Everything is the usual and suddenly, something just hits her G-spot!
Because you know, sometimes things just get a little too heated up.
Jaadu Ki Jhappi : Level Munnabhai
Sometimes, the ‘jhappi’ has so much ‘jaadu’ that lightening strikes celebrating your orgasm. When that happens, don’t forget to thank Sanjay Dutt.
Flying Kiss Orgasm
Do you have it in you to make a woman come with just a simple flying kiss?
Jaadu Ki Jhappi: Level Death
Some dance lifts, some staring and strangling – this one’s a must try for all the adrenaline junkies out there.
The Back-Scratch Orgasm
Yeah yeah, right there. Oh, yes.
The Air Bender
Now that’s a superpower not every woman has. Those who have just know how to put the air around them to good use.
Jaadu Ki Jhappi : Level Suffocate
C’mon, kill her. Squish her lungs out through her mouth. You’re almost there. You can do it.
Stage Fright Orgasm
Sometimes, hormones can be triggered by some of the most unusual emotions – like being watched by a thousand people while on stage.
Jaadu Ki Jhappi : Level Beach Please
Once you’ve mastered the JKJ orgasm, try it on a beach, at dawn. You’ll find your hands strumming an imaginary guitar. Don’t believe us, watch this.
Orgasm At First Sight: Next Level
Of course, you’re not going to leave her after just two orgasms, are you? The more you sway with her, the deeper the pleasure is. If you’re flaring your nostrils well enough for her face to fit in, that’s a sign you’re doing it right!
Meanwhile, Hrithik-Kareena must be thinking